Is being nice a disease of our society?

Is being nice a disease of our society? I have had two experiences this week that tell me it is. First of all, people tell you you don’t have to do what you do not want to. Yet, those same people will turn around and tell you you are the reason a male or female (usually a male though) went crazy and either a) started shooting people b) started hitting you c) raped you e) anything else they can come up with. Men also have to put up being nice in abusive relationships because they are not allowed to say “No, you should not be hitting me or being emotionally abusive.” Why? Because they are told to be strong, be a man.

No, I am not talking about being mean to someone else or disrespecting someone else. In fact, I am talking about respecting someone else’s decision to not want to be your friend, to not want to share their notes with you, to not want you in their life. We live in a society where it is very easy to take advantage of others. For example, I go to class every day as does an acquaintance of mine. She and I, both go to class and both take notes. Yet, at the end of the class period she always asks to take notes of my notebook. I feel uncomfortable with that. Yes, her first language is not English, but neither was mine until I was forced to be fully immersed in the language. I feel uncomfortable sharing my notes because I put a lot of effort and energy into them. I summarize what the professor says, color code and on top of that write myself notes to tell me what is going on. Especially since this is a math class, I do not want to simply give away my notes to someone else. It is basically saying “Work hard but at the end of the day share your hard earned grade to someone who does not do their share.” I would not have minded if she just asked me on the parts she was confused about or maybe once a week in class, but she did this every single day. To me, this felt like I was being taken advantage of.

I have been brought up to respect my elders, to help others and to be nice. Recently, I have become agitated at the word nice. Why are we forcing others to be nice? We do not have to be nice. We do have to respect others. Yet, because I was brought up in a society that tells children to “be nice” I feel guilt whenever I am telling someone that something that is convenient for them makes me feel uncomfortable. I block someone on facebook and they message me through another application telling me “I realized you just blocked me haha”. Still harassing me even though I have not responded to any of his emails, even though I have not accepted his friend request. Instead of being nice, we should respect each other’s decision. Respect that no one owes you an explanation (except the government because they are our representatives afterall). Accept that if someone does not want to be your friend they are not mean. Accept that if someone does not want to be your friend that they have the right to not be your friend and they most certainly have the right to not disclose why they don’t want to.

Saying no is just as hard as accepting it, but no one owes you an explanation. Accepting a no might just be as difficult and with our society pushing people to be nice, there are those that take advantage of people with a difficulty of saying no. Guilting others into doing something they do not want to do is not okay. Another solution to this problem would be to teach other individuals that guilting other people is not okay in any scenario imaginable. Right now this characteristic is acting as a disease. Giving individuals that want to be nice dread of going to school, anxiety of other people etc.

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Romanticizing the past

You know, humans tend to have this strange habit and look back at the past with rose colored glasses. We think about past relationships and, if it’s been long enough, we think, “Why did we ever break-up/stop seeing each other/etc…” Then, we slip back into what is comfortable, albeit not always the best for us. We let our rose colored glasses let us guide us and yell us what’s right.

What I’m wondering is, when did these rose colored glasses appear? How is it evolutionarily advantageous to look at the past with a yearning for it instead of how it actually was? When in the course of history, has having a positive mind set of the PAST been a good thing? Maybe it’s just a by-product looking towards the future with positivity….

What am I good at?

Lately I've been thinking that I want to build an empire. I want to not just work but build something great, but what? In this modern world with so many people it's a question of beating people to the punch not just coming up with the idea. I am good at bargain shopping. I am good at waiting for a sale and keeping watch on items that I want but what about that? What can I do with that? I'm good at being resourceful when times call for temporary fixes but what then? What can I do? I just need to keep thinking this over. One of the hardest parts is coming up with what you want to do and then doing it. Let's see what happens. Sorry for the ramble just had to put it down on paper.

Last Friday Night

In case y’all wanted to know about my actual life and not just my thoughts, last Friday I forgot that I was in my archeology class so on the pop quiz I wrote the 4 other subfields of anthropology (cultural, biological, and linguistic for those of you needing to know) but not archeology…I also steamed the autoclave room to where many officials had to come by, I hit my head in the shower and I locked myself out of my apartment. That is all.

Adjustment

In a world where everything is adjustable, where you can tailor just about anything to your needs, have we lost the method of compromising? Is compromising a forgotten skill of the past? Where everyone is looking for a love that stays as fiery as it once was and will not settle for less. Maybe this is the reason less people are getting married. Once upon a time marriage and relationships were about compromise but maybe now people aren’t as well to compromise for just any person and maybe that is a good thing.

Liberating 

The most liberating moment comes when you realize you don’t have to fit into some small boxes that society has created. Whether you create a new job profession, your identity, relationship, etc. It’s truly liberating to not have those expectations and I hope that everyone can have this moment of realization. If you wanna talk about your experiences let me know. I may not have gone through what you did but I do listen and sometimes give good advice or even you can rant to me and I’ll listen. 

Old friend 

I’m the type of person that you won’t hear from for months, maybe even years. Then one day you crawl into my mind and I send a text or a picture or even just spend a while reminiscing and I wish I could turn back to those days. The days where everything was simpler when being busy meant being busy with everything I loved. Now the days are busy with ordinary, monotonous tasks. Frivolous spending to fill a void, to something  distract myself from how ordinary my life has become. Every ttime I think of you old friend, I wish nothing but the best for you and that your life is filled with what you love everyday.