Is being nice a disease of our society?

Is being nice a disease of our society? I have had two experiences this week that tell me it is. First of all, people tell you you don’t have to do what you do not want to. Yet, those same people will turn around and tell you you are the reason a male or female (usually a male though) went crazy and either a) started shooting people b) started hitting you c) raped you e) anything else they can come up with. Men also have to put up being nice in abusive relationships because they are not allowed to say “No, you should not be hitting me or being emotionally abusive.” Why? Because they are told to be strong, be a man.

No, I am not talking about being mean to someone else or disrespecting someone else. In fact, I am talking about respecting someone else’s decision to not want to be your friend, to not want to share their notes with you, to not want you in their life. We live in a society where it is very easy to take advantage of others. For example, I go to class every day as does an acquaintance of mine. She and I, both go to class and both take notes. Yet, at the end of the class period she always asks to take notes of my notebook. I feel uncomfortable with that. Yes, her first language is not English, but neither was mine until I was forced to be fully immersed in the language. I feel uncomfortable sharing my notes because I put a lot of effort and energy into them. I summarize what the professor says, color code and on top of that write myself notes to tell me what is going on. Especially since this is a math class, I do not want to simply give away my notes to someone else. It is basically saying “Work hard but at the end of the day share your hard earned grade to someone who does not do their share.” I would not have minded if she just asked me on the parts she was confused about or maybe once a week in class, but she did this every single day. To me, this felt like I was being taken advantage of.

I have been brought up to respect my elders, to help others and to be nice. Recently, I have become agitated at the word nice. Why are we forcing others to be nice? We do not have to be nice. We do have to respect others. Yet, because I was brought up in a society that tells children to “be nice” I feel guilt whenever I am telling someone that something that is convenient for them makes me feel uncomfortable. I block someone on facebook and they message me through another application telling me “I realized you just blocked me haha”. Still harassing me even though I have not responded to any of his emails, even though I have not accepted his friend request. Instead of being nice, we should respect each other’s decision. Respect that no one owes you an explanation (except the government because they are our representatives afterall). Accept that if someone does not want to be your friend they are not mean. Accept that if someone does not want to be your friend that they have the right to not be your friend and they most certainly have the right to not disclose why they don’t want to.

Saying no is just as hard as accepting it, but no one owes you an explanation. Accepting a no might just be as difficult and with our society pushing people to be nice, there are those that take advantage of people with a difficulty of saying no. Guilting others into doing something they do not want to do is not okay. Another solution to this problem would be to teach other individuals that guilting other people is not okay in any scenario imaginable. Right now this characteristic is acting as a disease. Giving individuals that want to be nice dread of going to school, anxiety of other people etc.

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Timing

I never really realized how important timing is. When you really don’t want to do something it’ll seem impossible to get yourself to do it. Then one day, you have the confidence, you have a great mentor, and everything is starting to fall into place

Romanticizing the past

You know, humans tend to have this strange habit and look back at the past with rose colored glasses. We think about past relationships and, if it’s been long enough, we think, “Why did we ever break-up/stop seeing each other/etc…” Then, we slip back into what is comfortable, albeit not always the best for us. We let our rose colored glasses let us guide us and yell us what’s right.

What I’m wondering is, when did these rose colored glasses appear? How is it evolutionarily advantageous to look at the past with a yearning for it instead of how it actually was? When in the course of history, has having a positive mind set of the PAST been a good thing? Maybe it’s just a by-product looking towards the future with positivity….

Jealous Makes You SIck

Sometimes I wonder why I hate this one girl so much. Sometimes I think it stems from the fact that my boyfriend left me to go to talk to her at a festival (we had just started dating and I was insecure). Sometimes I think it stems from the fact that she has never been nice to me or wanted to be my friend, but sometimes I realize that it’s probably that she living the life I would have had. The life I chose to abandon for what I am passionate about. The life of stability, tranquility and honor for a life that is a little bit more selfish. How can you compare oranges to apples? You can’t. So, then why do I compare myself to her so often? Why do I envy when she gets to travel and take great pictures and become who I thought I wanted to be? Do I still want to be that? Or is it simply that I miss the tranquility of knowing there was a job waiting for me at the end, a world in which there is direction and a set path to follow?

I realize that comparing myself to others is not fair for either one of the individuals in question but to me it is human nature. I want to feel that I am better than her in every possible way. Does this stem from the fact that I see her as a threat? Why do I feel this particular way towards her? Maybe because I think we are in the same level to be compared and I don’t feel successful enough to win. How can people call her not a catch when I think she is better than me? I wish I could stop comparing myself.

Well

Well this is terrible. I’ve just realized that what I’m good at is finding sales and brand name products for the best prices. I found a Zac Posen iconic eartha medium handbag for $70 brand new at tjmaxx. That price costs $550 new or when it went on sale at ASOS¬†¬£235.00. How crazy is that? I found a free rug today that still has the price tag on it (originally cost $49.99). I have found many a thing and well now I have rebranded my instagram to show my shopping bargain finds. I’m not sure this will be the best for my shopping addiction but if I have something that I love to do and can share it with other people or when there are sales maybe I can find more people like me. Those who want to have nice, luxurious things but at the same time not break the bank, those who want to look like a million bucks but can’t/don’t want to break the bank (hey, I’m not judging you if you do break the bank trust me I’ve been there but have learned I cannot handle it). If anyone wants to check it out it’s @black_hat_andrea

What am I good at?

Lately I've been thinking that I want to build an empire. I want to not just work but build something great, but what? In this modern world with so many people it's a question of beating people to the punch not just coming up with the idea. I am good at bargain shopping. I am good at waiting for a sale and keeping watch on items that I want but what about that? What can I do with that? I'm good at being resourceful when times call for temporary fixes but what then? What can I do? I just need to keep thinking this over. One of the hardest parts is coming up with what you want to do and then doing it. Let's see what happens. Sorry for the ramble just had to put it down on paper.

Adjustment

In a world where everything is adjustable, where you can tailor just about anything to your needs, have we lost the method of compromising? Is compromising a forgotten skill of the past? Where everyone is looking for a love that stays as fiery as it once was and will not settle for less. Maybe this is the reason less people are getting married. Once upon a time marriage and relationships were about compromise but maybe now people aren’t as well to compromise for just any person and maybe that is a good thing.