Jealous Makes You SIck

Sometimes I wonder why I hate this one girl so much. Sometimes I think it stems from the fact that my boyfriend left me to go to talk to her at a festival (we had just started dating and I was insecure). Sometimes I think it stems from the fact that she has never been nice to me or wanted to be my friend, but sometimes I realize that it’s probably that she living the life I would have had. The life I chose to abandon for what I am passionate about. The life of stability, tranquility and honor for a life that is a little bit more selfish. How can you compare oranges to apples? You can’t. So, then why do I compare myself to her so often? Why do I envy when she gets to travel and take great pictures and become who I thought I wanted to be? Do I still want to be that? Or is it simply that I miss the tranquility of knowing there was a job waiting for me at the end, a world in which there is direction and a set path to follow?

I realize that comparing myself to others is not fair for either one of the individuals in question but to me it is human nature. I want to feel that I am better than her in every possible way. Does this stem from the fact that I see her as a threat? Why do I feel this particular way towards her? Maybe because I think we are in the same level to be compared and I don’t feel successful enough to win. How can people call her not a catch when I think she is better than me? I wish I could stop comparing myself.

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Well

Well this is terrible. I’ve just realized that what I’m good at is finding sales and brand name products for the best prices. I found a Zac Posen iconic eartha medium handbag for $70 brand new at tjmaxx. That price costs $550 new or when it went on sale at ASOS £235.00. How crazy is that? I found a free rug today that still has the price tag on it (originally cost $49.99). I have found many a thing and well now I have rebranded my instagram to show my shopping bargain finds. I’m not sure this will be the best for my shopping addiction but if I have something that I love to do and can share it with other people or when there are sales maybe I can find more people like me. Those who want to have nice, luxurious things but at the same time not break the bank, those who want to look like a million bucks but can’t/don’t want to break the bank (hey, I’m not judging you if you do break the bank trust me I’ve been there but have learned I cannot handle it). If anyone wants to check it out it’s @black_hat_andrea

What am I good at?

Lately I've been thinking that I want to build an empire. I want to not just work but build something great, but what? In this modern world with so many people it's a question of beating people to the punch not just coming up with the idea. I am good at bargain shopping. I am good at waiting for a sale and keeping watch on items that I want but what about that? What can I do with that? I'm good at being resourceful when times call for temporary fixes but what then? What can I do? I just need to keep thinking this over. One of the hardest parts is coming up with what you want to do and then doing it. Let's see what happens. Sorry for the ramble just had to put it down on paper.

Last Friday Night

In case y’all wanted to know about my actual life and not just my thoughts, last Friday I forgot that I was in my archeology class so on the pop quiz I wrote the 4 other subfields of anthropology (cultural, biological, and linguistic for those of you needing to know) but not archeology…I also steamed the autoclave room to where many officials had to come by, I hit my head in the shower and I locked myself out of my apartment. That is all.

Adjustment

In a world where everything is adjustable, where you can tailor just about anything to your needs, have we lost the method of compromising? Is compromising a forgotten skill of the past? Where everyone is looking for a love that stays as fiery as it once was and will not settle for less. Maybe this is the reason less people are getting married. Once upon a time marriage and relationships were about compromise but maybe now people aren’t as well to compromise for just any person and maybe that is a good thing.

Why are shopaholics shopaholics?

(skip to 4th paragraph if you just want a brief overview) Why do I buy things I find at a ridiculously good price? Because it makes me feel smart about my money and getting what I want at the same price. It is almost like I am hunting and my prey is the bargain as cheesy as that sounds there is a high that goes with getting the best deal possible. This can be problematic when you become a hoarder or you overspend. I have a problem. I have had to unfollow certain pages where I know I am more tempted to buy cheap used but relatively good quality items. But man is it hard.

I find that when I buy an item it gives me a rush, a sense of belonging. Shopping relieves my loneliness if only for a bit. Whether it be furniture, clothes or my lastest obsession, thrifting designer goods, I easily become obsessed and it is actually difficult for me to stop if I do not realize that it is an obsession and wrong for me (not saying there is wrong with how other people want to spend their money, they earn it and therefore they get to choose how to spend it) to spend all of my money on shoes, or clothes or handbags.

I am actually  trying to distance myself from temptations and concentrate on work, on research, on writing, other outlets for my loneliness instead of spending what could be my savings.

Shopaholics shop in most case because they feel better when shopping. I, for example, get a high from going out and getting anything at all. Maybe you shop to fit in, or shop to be different, get compliments, be ahead of the curve, but next time you go out ask yourself these three questions:

  1. Does this make me feel like I could take on the world?
  2. Does this fit in my budget?
  3. Would I “die” without it?

If you answered yes to all three then go for it! Just remember that you should never spend more than you can and that a nice, clean closet usually leads to a feeling of being put together and if you have a closet or home full of things you adore. Maybe this experience for me will lead me towards a closet I am proud of, a home that is organized and clean and a less cluttered life.

Decisions

When I first started dating my now boyfriend, my ex contacted me. He said he had been thinking and dreaming of me. At that point I realized I had two choices, one was to continue to explore my new-to-be relationship and the other to go back to the guy who made me wonder where he was at night, what his feelings were, the exciting guy. To me the choice was simple and logical. I would explore the new guy I was dating because he was funny and cute and made my heart flutter with how much we had in common. I have come to realize that this is not as easy for everyone as it was for me.

In Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw was dating a great man who’s name was Aiden, who wanted to introduce her to his parents, who forgave her after she cheated, who helped her friends when she couldn’t, yet when the mysterious Big, calls her each time she runs back to him. Does this explain why there was an increase in divorce rights? Although among millennials the rate has decreased?

I’m glad I made the right choice for me.  He is sensible, sometimes arrogant, pushes me out of my boundaries, silly, goofy, sweet, a much more complex person than Big was. This was also when I realized I was not Carrie, I am Miranda. Which ironically, when I kept getting that result in the which Sex and the City Character are you I kept denying but now I’m actually quite happy. Miranda is a dynamic character, who is logical and responsible and you know what? That suites me just fine.